Saturday, January 16, 2010

Unplubishable Thoughts and Everyday Life

The blessing and the curse of a blog is that it has the potential of being read by one or more persons (particularly when it's set to automatically post on the newsfeed of Facebook friends!). There is definitely a lot to be said for the thrill of knowing that my words have gone "out there" and I may get feedback, and who knows, maybe one thing I say will have eternal impact on a reader. But the flipside is, I'm always conscious of my possible audience, and as a result, my thoughts are edited....

Granted, most of my thoughts aren't worth printing anyway. They are the hodge-podge of the everyday, the human heart, and need to be muddled through between me and God before I should even think of airing them to any but my nearest and dearest. If I were writing in a pen-and-paper journal, I could pour out the muddle, and then ponder it and perhaps sort things out more. Time being what it is these days, though, I'm more likely to write here where the bit of feedback I get is an inspiration to write more....

So I guess it's all in my purpose for writing in the first place, huh?

This week was one of those weeks of dichotomy, where my brain has been running on various tracks ranging from the deep ("Am I letting God work through this issue in me?") to the light ("Jonathan looks adorable in pastels...I bet he would look better than any of the girls did in pink!" ...Don't worry, I won't do that to him!), and life has been trucking along at its breakneck pace.

Here's a sampling:

We had our REAL moms (formerly MOPS) meeting Friday morning, the first of this semester, so the week started off with a Leadership Team meeting that covered a ton of material--good, thorough, and exhausting. We've been working to find our stride this year with our new name, and new coordinator (oh wait, that's me!). We want so much to be able to reach the women in our community and be an encouragement to them, and sometimes it gets discouraging to see that the group is smaller than it was a few years ago. A lot of this has to do with the economy, but one always continues to look at the issue and think, "What can we do better to connect with our moms?" I love the fact that this ministry has been such a strong one at our church, and the team is continually one of moms who really have the heart for it. When I started in the group about six years ago, I wondered if I would ever feel connected with the other moms. I only had Keren, and she was anything but the "typical" two-year-old. But over the years, the bonds were formed, and when I stepped into the coordinator role last summer, I realized how much God had been opening my heart to fellow moms. But with that vested interest comes the battling of personal demons--"What if I botch it?"--and the counter of, "You know what, it's really not about you! If it's God's ministry (which it is), He'll take care of it!" Got to focus on the latter....

In other news, Kraig and I were able to cement the plan for our event for remembering Keren and I got an evite sent out this week. I wish I could have sent it to a ton more people, near and far, because so many have been an intimate part of our journey this past year. But it seemed important to focus primarily on our connections at Old Village, Keren's school. We're planning a light brunch at our house with a theme of  "Looking Back, Moving Forward." We're remembering Keren and how much we learned, and are still learning, from her life. More than that, though, we want to hear what's been going on in the lives of those around us--how God has been at work in stretching and growing them. Hmmm.... So much to talk about there; I'll save that for other posts.

...And there were the other events of the week.... Clare's preschool, time with friends, a Gideons' dinner, taking down the Christmas tree, skyping Grandma and Grandpa (Kraig's folks). All the little details of life that put a week together. Amazing how God can work throughout all these things, and help me become more of what He desires me to be. At least that's my prayer!

Enough rambling. That's my publishable update for now!

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Snow Hill Morning

There's a hill at a park near us that is one of the few good sledding hills in this flat part of Michigan. I have many memories of zipping down this hill, but I haven't been there in the winter for years now. So when my bro-in-law asked us if we'd like to join him and his boys for a sledding morning, we jumped at it. Like everything in life these days, the hill is more restricted: there's a list of "sledding rules," there are two return points cordoned off, and at the base of the hill is a slight bank so you can't shoot off into the creek at the bottom (not that anyone has sleds these days that could actually make it that far!). Despite these "safety measures" it is still a great place for families to come and get a good thrill ride...if you can convince your children that that's really what it is!

As you can see, Clare was not completely convinced. She is our true tentative child; I'd say firstborn, except that she isn't; but because Keren's limitations were what they were, Clare migrated into the firstborn role in many ways. Kraig and I are thinking we'll term her our "fircond" or maybe our "secirst."


Her cousin, Eli, is definitely a tentative firstborn; while little brother Sim is the adventurer. Here they are before their first run--before they decided they'd had quite enough, thank you, and "Daddy, we want to go home now!" Actually, they liked the going down part--it was the coming up part that wasn't something they wanted to repeat (but then, who does?).
 
 
Our "thircond" (or is it "secird") daughter (can you figure that one out?), Ev, is more like Sim in her adventurousness, and she was ready to roll. Not so thrilled with the actual rolling when she did tumble off her sled once, but even then she came back for more.

 
You can see her on her little red sled just right of center.

After her first run on the big hill, Clare was quite willing to stand at the top and watch...and throw snow....
 
 
Eventually she and I took one more slide down the big hill, mostly because we wouldn't let her get off with just one run, but that was it. A few minutes later, though, we discovered a much smaller hill beside the big one. We did have to set a guard (Kraig and Jon) down at the bottom, because on this hill one actually could run into a tree, or the road.... Everyone going down this hill learned good bailing techniques.

Despite the formidable base, since the hill itself was so much smaller, Clare decided sledding could be fun after all, and she, Uncle Kris, and Eli were off and running. Ev took a few more runs, too.

 

I think the one that surprised me most this morning was Jon-boy. I kind of expected that I would end up hibernating in the car with him. Instead he cooed and smiled, all bundled in his snowsuit, and eventually Kraig cocooned him in his jacket where the boy took a long snooze. Go figure! I wonder what this says about his personality (besides the fact that he is an adorable, well-tempered baby, and on his way to being thoroughly spoiled? :) )
 
All in all, it was a beautiful morning on the snow hill, and nice to start our own family tradition of enjoying it.

....And zipping down the hill is still as exciting now as it was umpteen years ago!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

January Snow


Today it's snowing like the day Keren died. It's falling steadily, silently, cloaking the world in white. I've been dreading this day. Not that it's the first snow storm since she died--there were a few like it last winter. But this is the first for us here, this winter. I wasn't sure what I'd feel. I remember that day and how it hit me then that the snow was falling like the day my grandfather died--also in January.

But I'm not struck down by grief looking at it right now. It's so still, so quiet, so beautiful. I love it as I've always loved watching snow fall. The world seems to hold its breath, waiting to see what will come of it all.... We get so few moments of silence nowadays; it's nice to have the enforced pause.

I think that after all I am glad it was a day like today that Keren slipped away from here. It's a day of anticipation. Spring lies in wait.

Breakfast Theology

You never know where a conversation with kids will take you.... Of course, Kraig and my family would argue that that's true of any conversation with me; one tangent jumps to a seemingly unrelated tangent (though in my mind there's always a connection!). But that's beside the point. The point is how amazing it is that a random conversation with my kids can warp at light speed into a theological point.

This morning Clare and Ev were singing "Rock-a-bye, Baby," and Clare wanted to know what a "bough" was. When they found out it meant "branch" they started singing the song using "branch" instead of "bough" and that led me (okay, yes, past English teacher here) to pointing out the difference between connotation and denotation--why "branch" creates a different mental picture than "bough" and the sound of the word in the mouth fits better in the song, etc. "You know," I reminded Clare, "how we've talked about how 'big' means the same as 'giant', but when we talk about David and Goliath, it's one thing to say Goliath was big, but you get a totally different picture when you say he was huge."

All right, so that was me leaping to another point. But Clare, being her mother's daughter, jumped to the next one. She wanted to know how David who was so small could kill Goliath, and that took us to the point that God helped him, and God can help us do amazing things when we let him. We didn't go much farther on that tangent because Clare wanted to know why Veggie Tales stories are about God. I explained that they were stories and points from the Bible, and it's one way to help people learn about God. "Everything we do in life should be based on things we know from the Bible," I said (more or less; definitely not so clearly). "Mommy and Daddy try to live by this, and when we ask you to do things it's because we want you to do that too. It'll help you become everything Jesus wants you to be." (And like I said, this was not stated so concisely; it wandered a bit over seconds on pancakes. I was thinking, too, that this is a point I need to continually learn. There are certainly many times when I'm demanding something of my kids (even good things), not because I'm living in the spirit of God working through me to help them grow, but out of frustration and anger that they aren't obeying!

In an ideal, unfallen world, Clare and Ev would have taken these "Breakfast Devotions" and immediately internalized them and begun to live them out.... But the reality is that we've had conversations like this many times in the past, and I know we'll continue, and in the meantime they'll go off and often beat each other over the head trying to get their own way on things. And I'll keep struggling with my desire to lord myself over them. But through it all, too, as I'm having these conversations with them, I'm reminded of theological truths that I need to make a part of my every moment, and to let God work them out through me. Because really, as Junior in "Dave and the Giant Pickle" sings, the challenges are "big, but God's bigger" and the results can be amazing.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Turning of the Year

Kraig and I quietly said good-bye to 2009, and hello to 2010 the other night. I suppose the evening wasn't all quiet. We did a VeggieTales show with the girls, then put them and Jonathan down so we could have our own time. I made one of our not-letting-the-kids-in-on-it-yet favorites: homemade Alfredo sauce with sun-dried tomatoes, steamed broccoli and mushrooms--ahhh! :) I'd splurged for dessert on some Ben and Jerry's ice cream and we ate and zoned, watching the newest Star Trek movie. Thoroughly enjoyable evening! We didn't try to watch the ball drop or anything like that--just watched the clock turn over at midnight and called it a day, and a year. 


And what a year.... Though in some ways I don't feel like the year has ended yet. There is one date that is looming on my calendar, which this year to me will be "The End": January 28. I don't know what to think of it, or this month. I don't want to look forward to it with dread like I did Keren's birthday back in September.... It seemed that all of September and October I walked around with a hard lump in my chest. I don't feel like that right now--haven't since the end of October. I don't know why. I haven't tried to analyze when and how the emotions come, knowing that grief has always been like ocean waves for me, ebbing and flowing. 


But what will this month be like? I want to plan something for that weekend after the 28th, something particularly for folks from Old Village, and maybe more. I have this seedling idea of making it a day to look back at what God has done this past year, look at the amazing things that have happened, and look forward to see what He might do in the year to come. I want to keep remembering Keren, but in such a way that I'm focusing on the positive (to be cliche about it). Clare and Ev have helped me a lot there with their constant looking toward heaven when they talk about Keren. "Maybe Keren is doing this!" they say about little adventures in their own lives. Or, "When we get to heaven we'll play hide and seek with Keren in her new house." Or, "Maybe Keren and Ethan are climbing trees right now," or "giving Jesus a hug." These are the pictures I'm given over and over, and they constantly remind me that I will see Keren again and that in the meantime God has a lot going on in my life, and Keren's life and death are a part of that.... 


But will I be hit with overwhelming grief again? That's what I can't think about because it is so unknown. Kraig and I haven't had much chance to talk about it recently. I think we shy away from the topic a bit; or I shy away because I feel like my feelings and perspective right now are too bright for him to handle. That his grief is running deep there, and while he is completely trusting God in all this (I have no doubt of that), he's not willing to air his thoughts as freely as me, and so not wanting to have an "event" or anything like that. 


Anyway, that's where I'm at with the turning of this year. Kraig has said a number of times how thankful he is that 2009 was ending. It sure didn't start well, and I haven't enjoyed the grief, but there have been amazing bits of joy, too, like Jonathan's birth and watching the girls grow. We talked about that. Then there's the unknown of even this month--not just for us, but family as Kraig's grandma is deteriorating rapidly. Will we lose her this month? When it comes down to it, I agree with Kraig: January is a horrible time to start a new year, whether it's the first or the 28th. I think I'll go with Kraig's idea for my year turnover: Easter. Why not celebrate the beginning of a new year at the Resurrection? Sounds much better to me!


So, for the moment, there hasn't been a turning of this year for me.


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas Resolution

I find that my creative thoughts, or urges to write something, most often come in the middle of a Sunday morning sermon. I don't know if this is a distraction from the Enemy, or an inspiration from my Friend. I tend to think it's the latter, mainly because the thoughts usually relate to something in the message. They are thoughts triggered by some point that make me want to write about what I'm learning in life, what God is teaching me, etc.

So this time I was sitting in my sister's church in Virginia on December 27 as the pastor spoke about facing the challenge of a new season and thinking through what's happened in the past year, and wondering what the new year will hold.... He spoke about the very real obstacles we face in life and how God is bigger than these and is with us in these. And it resonated completely with where I'm at and where our family is. So much has happened this past year and I have no idea what's going to happen next....

I've been journaling hard copy more recently, but a few things have been pushing me to start blogging again, and my mind started whirring Sunday morning with possibilities. My blog could become something productive...not just the place that I last visited a year-and-a-half ago when I was able to post some photos but got fed up when I couldn't get a video to load. I might start writing more consistantly, and maybe in the process start seeing more clearly what God has in store.

The phrase from Alfred P. Doolittle in My Fair Lady came to mind: "I'm willing to tell you, I'm wanting to tell you, I'm waiting to tell you!" Willing, wanting, and waiting is definitely where I am right now with God. I'm doing it with a bit of fear and trembling, but that's where my heart is....

So this is my Christmas Resolution: to start blogging more consistantly. I won't try to make it a family blog with the ins and outs of my kids (though I'm sure they'll come into it). Rather, this is my blog where I'll let my thoughts hang out and see where they go (and find out if anyone would like to come along with me).

...And hopefully I'll get the whole formatting thing worked out sometime soon!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Keren & Clare Hangin' Out

I caught some fun shots of one of Keren and Clare's snuggle moments. These are so great because it shows them both at their finest :) . I've got a video clip that goes with this that I'll try to post; for some reason I haven't been able to for the past couple days.


Sunday, June 22, 2008

False Start and Then Success

Clare is our songbird these days, and it's a joy to hear her sing. She loves to make up tunes, but also sings favorites like "Jesus Loves Me." Recently she was serenading us at breakfast, and agreed to perform for the camera. Unfortunately, being a girl of the 21st millennium, she wanted to see the video immediately, even before the song was done. So her first performance resulted in these renditions:



Her second try was much more successful!


New Cousin

Be sure to check out photos of our girls newest cousin--and our first on my side of the family!--Zachary Ethan Bash.... Here's the link to their album: http://picasaweb.google.com/jbgcrash/ZacharyEthanBash

If you don't get that far, you can definitely get a glimpse with these two photos:


Isn't he adorable? And of course we aren't at all biased :) ....

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Photo Shoot

A few weeks ago we were able to have my friend Joan come take photos, particularly of the girls. She started her own business just a little over a year ago, and does a beautiful job of capturing the vibrancy and innocence of kids. I've been wanting her to get pictures of our girls since Evelyn was born, and thought that Evvie's first birthday would be a good time, so here we are! It also worked out well, because Joan and her family are moving :( .... We got these just in time!

You can see a selection of the photos at Joan's blog, the May archive:
http://thomgirlphotography.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html

The photos start with Evelyn on May 19 and end with a family photo on May 27. You can really see our girls' personalities in these. Enjoy!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Evelyn's Birthday

Yesterday was Evelyn's first birthday...is that possible?!!! We had a great group of family and friends over--not too many, though the number of kids kept multiplying :) . It was our first "party" at our new house, and great to see how the ebb and flow of people worked.

...Anyway, we did take a lot of video, but most of it's on the video camera and I haven't tried to download any of that yet. As a result, the bit here is Evelyn thoroughly enjoying the e-card sent to her by Uncle Brian and Aunt Jessie in Macau. As you can see it was a big hit! She liked Aunt Carrie's e-card too--watched it really intently--but I'm afraid it was a little beyond her humor-wise. Someday she'll get it! Aunt Carrie did score in her goal, though, which was a card with lots of action! Next year Ev will catch the humor, too, Aunt Carrie! :)

I'll put up photos on our Picasa album, http://picasaweb.google.com/LorenWarn. Just the ones I have from the party--I haven't gotten Dad's zillion yet!



Thursday, January 31, 2008

Evelyn has been strutting her stuff across the floor in our new house. It still boggles my mind that she's just nine months and doing this already. That and the scary fact that she loves to show off with it!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Here's Evvie showing off some more...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

"Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus"

Yeah!!! A video clip that finally posted!!!

Here's a tidbit of Evelyn practicing her standing. I haven't caught steps on video yet, but it won't be long....

Thursday, November 29, 2007

We've been enjoying the Elphamorphoses from friends so I thought I'd give it a try for our family. Here's the link to our little elves! It seems you'll have to cut and paste, because for some reason when I ask it to link, the link doesn't show up in the post! Go figure....

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=963444631

Hard to believe it's the Christmas season already!

Friday, October 12, 2007

I've been trying and trying to upload a video clip of Evelyn, and no matter what I do it doesn't load - Sigh! I'll have to be content and give you a photo of the little squirt who has taken to almost crawling!!! It's hilarious to watch her scooch across the floors these days (and scary, because she's usually after something she shouldn't have....). Here's she's just hanging out with her big sis, Keren.

Monday, October 08, 2007

I've been wanting to show off this cool picture of Clare from when we were apple-picking with Grammy G the other week:



We also had fun making applesauce the next day....

Saturday, September 29, 2007

So I just found out that if I use FireFox rather than Safari as my browser I can post video clips! This opens a whole new world of blogging....

Keren's fifth birthday was Thursday, September 27, and we were excited to celebrate with her a bit at school (not to mention all the partying at home). Check out this clip of Keren "blowing out" her candle at school.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

I just saw this quiz on one of my favorite blogs (author Karen Hancock) and thought I'd try it out. I thought for sure after all the places I've lived in life it would come out as "no accent", but apparently the Philadelphia roots go deeper than I thought. But REALLY, how can it be truly Philadelphian when I know that "don" and "dawn" sound completely different!!!

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: Philadelphia
 

Your accent is as Philadelphian as a cheesesteak! If you're not from Philadelphia, then you're from someplace near there like south Jersey, Baltimore, or Wilmington. if you've ever journeyed to some far off place where people don't know that Philly has an accent, someone may have thought you talked a little weird even though they didn't have a clue what accent it was they heard.

The Midland
 
The South
 
The Inland North
 
The Northeast
 
Boston
 
The West
 
North Central
 
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Well! It's high time I started doing something with this blog. We've had big news in our house in the past week and want to share it with all :) .

We were thrilled to welcome "Evelyn Ruth" to our family on Thursday, April 26, 2007. She weighed in at 8 lbs., 11.3 oz., and measured 21 inches in length. She also has a thick head of dark-brown hair and bright eyes to check out the world! Big sister Keren hasn't put in her vote quite yet as to whether we should keep her--babies are a little unpredictable, after all. Big sister Clarissa, on the other hand, is excited that we have brought her her very own baby, who reacts when she kisses her!

You can see more of the family fun in our online album. Check out http://picasaweb.google.com/LorenWarn/Announcing