Hindrances

I've discovered a few hindrances to keeping a regular blog. Three of them are named Clare, Ev & Jon :) . I'm not upset that I have those three hindrances; I'm just saying that it's hard to finish a complete post when there are certain unavoidable interruptions! The biggest hindrance I've discovered, though, is the fact that a blog is public. Even if no one knows it's out there or bothers to read it, the fact is, it is on the internet which means that someone might just pay attention to it, and react, respond...perhaps even--gasp!--criticize what I've written. That, I think, is my biggest obstacle in writing.

I've been looking back over my posts of the past year and I have a number of unfinished posts. Some of them aren't finished because my inspiration dribbled away before I could get the whole thing written. Other times I'm just not sure whether I'm brave enough to put the words out there for all to see. And so the words remain in draft form to taunt me and remind me of my hesitance.

True, there are many times when discretion is the best way. As I wrote in my previous blog post (back in November!!!), there is a question of when it's the right time to speak, and whether one should speak. But I think that I'm more afraid of ruffling feathers and stirring up storms than anything else. Of course, that's a bit presumptuous of me--to think that my opinion could cause feather-ruffling and storms. But even if only one person responded negatively, I'd have the ramifications to deal with. It's that whole butterfly effect concept....

Why do I fear? What have I to fear when I know in my head that the One who saved me, who holds me, who conquered death, loves me more than anyone. And even if I make a complete fool of myself, He will love me and forgive me and gently set me back on my feet. It is His opinion which is the final, important one. I must do/say what I believe He wants me to say.

But then I doubt myself again, because I know I haven't spent as much time delving into Him and His word as I should. I fear my underlying attitude might be one that is deceived, or worse, prideful. As much as I believe my opinion is on the mark, am I actually right? Or am I blinded by my perspective?

Nothing like running around in circles, huh? I'm sure this blog is as clear as mud, and no one will find the least offense in it.

So. I guess I can post it.

...And if I were as cynical a person as that comes across, I'd hit the "publish post" button right after that last line. But I pray that I am not. This morning as I was wrangling through some of these things and my head was heavy with the pressure of these thoughts, two verses that have been a mainstay came to mind:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ~Romans 15:13

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6&7

I won't say that I immediately felt that hope, joy, and peace. The fact that it's 10:50 p.m. and I'm writing this is probably an indication of that. But I do know that these words are true, and I've asked God to help me trust Him in them. I may not feel it yet, but that doesn't alter their truth.

And on that note, I can publish this post.